In Case You're Wondering

I'm looking up the sky,
pondering the words that you said,
feeling deeply scarred,
and I cant even fake a smile.

It was so great,
that night that we shared,
under the moonlit horizon,
looking at stars in the clear night sky.

I will never forget that instance,
when I had the guts to speak up,
voiced out what I keep so deep,
and I thought I had a chance to keep.

A weeks time had passed after that,
I tried to reach you but got no reply,
tried to let you feel how I feel,
but you seemed to be so far away.

People around me doesnt have a clue,
not even friends that are so close to me,
and they often ask, why you,
I would just say, why not you.

Still, I waited and hoped.
for a just chance that I would die for,
to prove how deeply I've fallen,
but things never seem to go my way.

OUt of the blue you confessed a thing,
a thing which I didn't even ask from you,
it stopped me from thinking,
thinking I have a shot with you or something.

For people that I know, it seemed so fast,
and to you it seemed even a lot faster,
I beg for forgiveness if you felt that way,
but for me it seemed longer than eternity.

If I could turn back the hands of time,
if I would be given another chance,
I'll more than gladly do it again,
if given the feeling to feel like that again,
I will repeat it over and over again...

Our basketball team's fiasco

Sigh... "Malakas ang CS, t@ngna kayang kaya natin sila, tambak dapat tol hah, di na sila dapat makascore...." Bitchy thoughts and words I once shared with the rest of our team when the Intrams started, and now coming near its end. We've fought 4 games to track, lost the first, won the second, lost twice consecutively to "two weaker teams" as the rest of the team tells it. Sigh... The girls team are better than we are, they have a record of 3 and 1, the hell that they dont do well in practice, they dont practice so to speak but they got where we would have wanted to be right now. Assh0les that's what our team and the rest of us should be could, bigheaded assh0les for we over-estimated our chances, though we can do it, we just never delivered, our mouth's spoke to much of our greatness that our bodies forgot to do what should be done. Sigh...... now we don't have a chance to move ahead, one more game and it will be all over and soon, we'll be laughing stocks for the whole college. Sigh........ We could have done something but we didn't.

Stares

It is more than a month after the start of these new School Year,and I've been dyin' to write somethin' about it but hasn't had the time to do so. This is another year of chances and oppurtunities, trials and euberance, to meet new al\nd old friends. It has been good to know that I am still with my friends, plus the fact that I am still in the course that I like. I am excited yet uncertain due to the fact that I have this responsibility to perform through this challenge,and prove others wrong. Uncertain coz of people that always will try to bring me down in whatever I do, Things that will drag me down, and circumstances that wont permit me to go up.

I've taken part in school activities, mingled with people whom I never thought I would have had, befriended new people, and I'm sure raised a few eyebrows. And there's those "stares", call me paranoid or whatever, but I hate some of those stares that some in class throw at me. They see me as the recon guy, the guy who is still here due to pity and nothin' else. A friend told me that even in the basketball try outs, it was evident to him that some don't want me in and I dont know who or why. There's no need to point fingers at me, I feel them, and I dont like it, but i dont care. I'm here with renewed pssion to study and strive for excellence, to proove that I am what I want me to be.

I never thought of me as a person that needs to impress "all", no need. If I do that I will be the great example of Failure. No one can satisfy everyone. I know that not all will be happy for me but what the hell. who are they, I dont give a crap.
The only important thing for me is that I have my family to supprot me and help me, my friends that is always there (Go PUBES!!! :)) and the guidance of Our Almighty Father. With that I am strong, I am defended, I will sure to survive, I am a better person.



"Those who thinks they know me should think like the poeple who knows me."

A Day After Today

Every other day that passes away
I cannot bear this feeling each day
That tends me not to be as gay
For you are so far away.

My mind cannot tell
What my senses do feel
All of them are affected
Cause you can never be near me.

Sight do ask my mind
"Where can I see her?"
My mind will then reply
"Forget it she will never be around."

In my loneliness, I would ask myself
Should I continue, but I could not bare no more
my feelings for her
can not be settled anymore.

But deep inside me, I left a thing
A thing that gives me life
And it's hope, hoping to see her
A day after today.

Sooner than Later

I've fallen
Been too down to fight
To hurt to move
Been so defetead inside.

I tried to swallow it all
Clawed my way up
Forced my limbs to move
Halted by forces that lurks around.

Then I found you
You that brought the life back in me
You that made me want to move
Do thingsm, I never knew I could.

Sooner or later things will be better
Sooner or later I will be better
All because you came in the picture
Much sooner than later.

Alas...

Summer is the time for people to relax, lay back from the rigors of life, a time for friends to enjoy nature with the company of each other, and feel life as simple as can be, atleast for most people not to me. It has been a war-time for me and the school premises were the battle ground. i had battled through two stressful months, countless sleepless nights, tiresome days, fake laughters and forced smiles, and wasted time just as simple as that. Now, I don't care much for at long last, I am through and overturned a falling me, I was given that last chance I was fighting for. Those wasted moments aren't stuff to be regretted, those times will be part of my "I couk have's" no more no less. For during that span I could have taken a class ot two that most definitely changed my current status in the university, but nothing to mope about. Coz uring those times i met new people, made new friends (you all know who you are ^_^), made a better person out of me with regards to my attitude towards other people, friendships grew stronger, I found out that I am not aone that I have a family that cares,and friends that are always there. Most of all. I realized that i should do better than just exerting good efforts, it should always be no less than your best in anything that I do. It was worth the wait, worth the days, worth all the efforts, worth all the conversations, worth all the epenses. It was worth it.


take it from me
"I'm like a bamboo plant. I'll bow down an will fall as the powerful wind beckons it to be, but I won't stay down for long, I'll get back to my rightful place, it's no way than up>"

Not Knowing If I Can

As I rest my mind
Hoping to clear the dust and
Shadows that cover all of me
Don't know how to traverse this path.

Ever since that instance
That I laid my eyes on you
You've been running through my mind
Feeling uncontented with what I have.

All things do change as time drives by
Just like rocks that grow old and rivers dry,
and all wisdom becomes dumb
But this I feel grows much, much more that now.

Fields, and valleys, meadows and gardens do fade
To the way-ward winter's beckonings had made
It's just like what I'm feeling and hurts me more as days pass
Not telling you how I am right now.

I am often alone
Staring blankly upon closed doors
Trying to hide
Everything I feel deep inside.

if I could just tell you
The things that clutters my mind
But never know if I could
Tell the words, I Love You.

I want to gaze at you
Longing for your arms
To cuddle me up
To sleep at night, Knowing you're mine.

"This was supposed to be lyrics of a song for a friend's band but they thought it was to "keme" so I put it aside for a while, then I fused in a poem I did back in High School t add spice to it, hope you'd appreciate it ^_^"

Erudition

"baka naman hindi talaga syo pare hanapin mo ung "sayo""
A friend of mine once told me that if things don't fit it isn't for you, if it isn't yours it wont be yours. He even gave me this Luther King saying:
"If a man hasn't found something he would give his life for, he is not fit to live."
It is about the the way I am currently traverssing,(the truth is this is a comment about his comment on my last post). I do believe that things happen for a reason, stuff tend to belong to someone even before it faces them personally, this sort of thing is pre-written. I wasn't sure why he told me that, is he tryin' to say that I shouldn't waste time and effort to continue building a path that I want for myself? Or is it the other way around, is he tryin' to motivate me more? I ain't mad or anything for him saying that stuff to me, in fact I am thankful for him telling me, it means he cares, they care and they are my friends. I share his sentiment to that matter, only thing is, everything has its own place, own time, own circumstance, but it is us that make it fall to its designated places. Things that are pre-written can be changed in the way we decided to act about it. Take me as example, I wasn't destined to fail, I could have done something about it, I just didn't do the things expected of me, and now I regret doing it. We all have our destiny written for us way ahead of us, but it is up to us to shape it up and put it to a finished piece, no one else will do it for us, it is up to us. And as for me. I am willing to die for it given another chance.